Trust is essential

Trust is an essential element of relationships, especially when one of you weighs nearly ten times as much as the other. We all dream of the perfect equine partner, then wonder what went wrong when the dream fizzles out. Learn how to earn your horse’s trust by avoiding the six most common mistakes: inconsistency, failing to test, failing to focus, history–yours or theirs, broken promises and moving too fast. 

 

Training, riding, competing, and even basic safety with horses requires knowledge, commitment, and trust. Your horse doesn’t have a choice about where they live or who owns them, which places the responsibility to create a productive and satisfying relationship 100% on your shoulders. 

If your horse is spooky, unresponsive, pushy, afraid, inconsistent, or uncooperative, there’s a trust issue somewhere. 

 

This post explores the final 3 reasons your horse doesn’t trust you: (you can read about the first 3 in my earlier posts) 

 

In most cases your horse experienced other human relationships before meeting you. If that contact was positive, it serves as a firm foundation for the relationship you hope to build. 

More often than we’d like to believe, the horse grazing in your field has already learned not to trust humans, or worse, to fight or run away without waiting for details or explanations. 

 

A horse who has had bad relationships with humans, even one, may learn to trust you, but that doesn’t guarantee they’ll trust anyone else. Like some foster children, horses willingly risk their safety a limited number of times. After too many disappointments, even the best and most profound love may not overcome the past. 

 

Horses trust calm personalities who know the drill and offer them a better deal with total confidence. They teach you to be honest, kind, authentic, and how to inspire transformation. 

 

Even if your horse doesn’t trust you today, in most instances that can change. Every relationship moves at the speed of trust. 

 

My horse George is a 7 year old Welsh Section D. I bought him as a 3 year old from a local farm and to me he looked neglected. I hadn’t gone there to buy him but came away with him away. Through lots of patience, time, professional help and tears, George has gone from being wide eyed, scared of everything, mistrusting horse to a loving, kind and trainable horse. He now trusts humans again, very different from when I first saw him 4 years ago. We still have a long way to go but our relationship is growing positively all the time. 

What promises have you made to your horse? Here are some of mine: 

 

 

What do you call someone who promises but doesn’t deliver? A liar. 

 

Who trusts a liar? Untruths and twisted logic are part of human society, but horses neither rationalise nor compartmentalise. Excuses and explanations are useless. 

 

Horses trust when you earn it, so become a student of all things equine. 

 

We are students of horses; how they communicate, think, and perceive the world and our place in it with them. Horses often hear a promise you didn’t realise you made. 

 

The only way to overcome relationship damage caused by broken promises is to be intentional about what you promise and then keep it. Then do it again. Promises must be kept, NO MATTER WHAT. Horses don’t understand the finer points of deal breakers or exceptions. 

How long does it take to earn a horses trust? It’s taken George 4 years SO FAR. He has a long way to go but we are in it together. 

 

How long does it take for a horse to master a lesson? As long as it takes. A critical variable is the experience of the teacher. 

 

The more ways you know how to teach the same thing, the more likely you are to find success in less time than those with limited toolboxes. 

 

Establishing a healthy relationship with a horse takes as long as it takes. 

 

Never commit to a predetermined training schedule or compare your progress with someone else; you aren’t them and their horse isn’t your horse. Never be disappointed in your horse. It isn’t their fault. There is a myriad of trainers out there to help, but do your homework and find which one will suit you, and your horse. 

The skills I’ve learned over thirty years apply to most horses, but some horses are mentally or emotionally unbalanced. Qualified professionals can rehabilitate some, returning them to work as useful and trustworthy horses. Some dangerous or unbalanced horses can become manageable, but only when routines are meticulously maintained. Some can make progress but may not retain their lessons. They may be fine for a long time, but revert back to where they began when their routine varied even a little. 

 

Obedient and consistent horses develop over time and with endless repetition, as trainers teach them more vocabulary, establish greater trust, and both exhibit and inspire confidence and commitment. 

 

There’s no schedule. The reward is the journey itself, not some arbitrary destination. 

As we wrap up this series on trust, there’s one more piece of the puzzle I want to mention. If you miss this, all of your hard work to establish trust is wasted. 

 

Give your horse the benefit of your doubt whenever her response isn’t what you expected. Redouble your efforts to be clear in your requests and ask for only one thing at a time. A precise response requires a precise request. 

 

Horses (almost) always give honest and consistent responses. Use them to evaluate your own behaviour. The horse is never wrong. 

 

Don’t ask for a level of trust you can’t live up to today. Above all, deserve the faith your horse has in you. 

 

Credit to Lynn Baber for her inspiration